EverythingSteve.com

R.I.P. Sydney Pollack

Prolific and slightly against the grain director, producer and actor Sydney Pollack died yesterday of cancer at age 73. Arguably his most well-known film was "Tootsie," but he is know for many other works as well. I appreciated his traditionalism and passion, and yet also his slight (very slight) irreverence. Time Magazine's Web site has posted a fairly unique appreciation.
 

"I Know You Didn't Ask, But..."

Don’t you want to hear the largely cynical thoughts that went through my mind as I watched the Oscars? If not, then click here.

Regis on the red carpet before the actual Oscar show…Dude, you are cheesier than the goat fromage balls toasted with olive oil and bread crumbs I’m about to eat with my salad, and so much less appealing. “Hey, they ask me back every 30 years!” Yuck yuck yuck.

No Country For Old Men psycho killer dude (Javier Bardem)—you couldn’t have been more endearing in your Red Carpet pre-award interview (with Mr. Schlockster, to boot—see previous comment).

Daniel Day-Lewis in your red carpet interview—Dude, you are most definitely an odd bird…no doubt what imbues your acting with so much intensity. But you come across as nice and, dare I say, approachable in real life…what my wife would call “yin.”

Ellen Page, young 21 year old female star of Juno—loved the movie, loved you in the movie, but you need some ‘live’ interview training skills…or at least smile and…..act (duh!) when you’re on the red carpet.

Jennifer Garner—my wife loves you, but me? Meh…

Jon Stewart—Freakin’ funny, and the style of humor (sort of off center, a little bit irreverent) never gets old. The exchange with Dennis Hopper was a winner.

Javier Bardem winning Best Supporting Actor: Well deserved.

Cheesy symphonic bed and transition music intended to evoke emotion: no effect on me, homey. Ditto with the schmaltzy film collages, although the Jon Stewart satire on wake-ups from nightmares is much appreciated.

Oh gosh, Owen Wilson is on stage presenting an award. Oh gosh, Owen Wilson is on stage presenting an award. Oh gosh, Owen Wilson is on stage presenting an award.

Live Action Short Film Award Recipient from France: It’s awesome that your English skills aren’t too good because your speech was mercifully brief.

Wow…in looking at some clips of older awards shows, it’s clear there’s so much more focus today on appearance—thinner women, more physically fit women (and men), better outfits. What a contrast to the rest of us chunk assed B.M.I. violators.

I’m thinking the whole gig would be better if we drilled into the Scientific Technical Awards for three hours.

How the hell does one REALLY judge who should win “Best Adapted Screenplay,” anyway?

Wow…that song, “How Does She Know” from “Enchanted.” I just threw my laptop at the TV. [start hurling vomit sound effect right now]

Thank G-d I live on the West Coast so I can get nice and toasty watching this drivel and the pain is still over by 8:30 p.m. or so, allowing me to get more toasty while listening to some good music.

Best way to further sink my career? Easy. Wear a black suit and shirt to work with a bolo, wire glasses, and long graying hair in a pony tail. Actually, if I had straight hair I’d give it a shot. Actually, if I had straight hair, I’d give that “No Country For Old Men” haircut a shot…you know, go to work with a large narrow gas tank on my side….super!!! "Hey you, yeah you. Heads or tails. Call it."

OK, so I was just in the kitchen making salad dressing when “La Vie En Rose” woman won best actress, and I ran into the TV room screaming, “Is she having an orgasm? What’s with the heavy breathing?”

OMG! What’s happening to me??? The song “Falling Slowly”….I like it. No, I really do. I hear it on Slacker’s Adult Alternative station all the time and…I like it!. OMG! I just came back to this comment 25 minutes later because it won an Oscar.

My wife thinks Jack Nicholson looks good. Me, I get a bit melancholy when I hear his increasingly raspy voice. On the other hand, he’s not dead.

Renee Zellwegger—You are one wacko, and those squinty eyes. But man, you do that gown proud.

OK, so do you notice the look the audience gives a decrepitly old guy with a white scarf -- that sort of gaze with a smile and pity at the same time? I don’t think you ever really want to be the subject of such a gaze. “I… Also... Would... Like... To... Remember…” Even my wonderful and sweet wife, just said, “This is painful. Oh god, please, please, get off the stage.” And now she is covering her mouth and laughing and saying, “Oh Steve.” But hey, at least we’re up to ten minutes now and they haven’t brought on the “Get the ‘F’ off the stage music.”

 Ladies and Gentlemen, Penelope Cruz. (Ummm…that’s a compliment of the highest order).

I love documentaries. Long live documentaries…seriously. And particularly as long as Michael Moore doesn’t win anything for “Sicko.” BTW, Michael, I’ll be writing about who should be excluded from any notion of nationalized health care in an upcoming blog posting. Hint: If your B.M.I. is more than 30, my tax dollars shouldn’t pay for your extremely morbid corpulence.

OK, that's all, folks. We still have 20 minutes to go, but I have a lovely crockpot beef stew waiting for me, not to mention a salad with goat fromage balls toasted with olive oil and bread crumbs.

Sometimes it's best to simply copy and paste

My wife and I saw "The Departed" on DVD last weekend. I was underwhelmed....thought the plot was unnecessarily confusing, the move unnecessarily long, and the acting painfully hollow. I just looked on Netflix, and saw a review that couldn't have better captured my feelings about the movie. Although let me add a positive remark upfront: props to Matt Damon for his Boston accent as well as acidic/sarcastic tone that is...let's just say, "authentic." Well done.

Here's the copy and paste review:

<<

I love PEREZHILTON.COM
Scorsese, a killer cast & Brad Pitt producing. A home run, right? Not so fast... Coming from someone like me who would watch Leo DiCaprio read from the phone book, I still can't give him props for this undercover Boston cop role. He was not believable as a tough guy and his action/fight scenes were laughable. Matt Damon was the most convincing, but I almost wish Matt & Leo's roles were reversed. Damon has always struck me as more of a straight laced, good guy character & DiCaprio reminds me more of a scrappy kid doing what he had to do to get ahead. Of course Jack Nicholson's presence is commanding on screen, but his performance was mostly a caricature of a mob boss. He wasn't ruthless or scary and I would almost call him jovial, with his quasi goofy, jokester manner. The main downfall of The Departed is the illogical script and nonsensical plot. There are so many "why's" & "what's" in the movie that just don't add up. I was exhausted trying to make sense of it all by the end of the film. Soundtracks have always been my favorite part of a Scorsese film, but he didn't nail in with The Departed. The Van Morrison cover of Comfortably Numb was especially bad, played way too long and didn't make sense for the scene. I wanted The Departed to be great and it wasn't. However, it was still entertaining for the most part.>>

People! People!

Can I just go on record stating that I loathe Lindsey Lohan and her ilk (Paris, Britney) of no talent goofball peers. So it was with considerable relief that I just looked at today's Wall Street Journal and read the first few lines of Joe Morgenstern's review:
"Certain words should be reserved for special occasions. 'Abysmal' is one of them, and "Georgia Rule" is as special as such occasions get."

Down with Lohan! And what the hell, down with Fonda too! We haven't forgotten 'Nam, Janie!!